April 2019

Well, it’s a new year! Why not?

You may have been wanting to make changes in your life for some time or maybe just caught up in the whole New Year resolution thing.

So where do you start? You may have used your good friend Google, or the like, and searched something like, ‘how do I change my life?’ and found the results pretty mind blowing!

There’s plenty of professional services and resources available on this very topic, but your search results probably offered up endless articles and YouTube clips by people who have undergone dramatic changes themselves or ‘coaches’ helping others. 

Find yourself asking ‘what’s coaching?’, fair question.

Most people will naturally connect coaching with goal setting and motivation in their mind.

The finger quote, elevator speech I give on coaching is

Coaching leverages elements of teaching, psychology, counselling, emotional intelligence, neurolinguistics programming and personal & professional development.

Coaching exposes clients to mindfulness techniques that can enable a client to understand, without blame or justification, any limiting beliefs or emotional triggers that may be restricting growth.

Coaching empowers clients to become the master of their own destiny by recognising their true needs and motives and discover a sense of achievement, identity & self-confidence.

Check out this clip I recently came across – End Laziness 2017 motivational video.

(I’m sure there will be a 2018 edition out shortly)

Sure, some people are totally inspired by this type of clip, but maybe you’ve mentally signed out after watching this, maybe it’s too OTT for you and now you feel a bit put off. You’re not alone!

Watching this compilation made me even feel tired and tbh a bit of a failure for not making every second count! (and this is my industry!)

I have to ask, at any point while watching, did you say to yourself ‘I’m not one of those people’ or ‘yeah but I can’t be like that’?

Don’t give up just yet, it’s all very possible, everyone can make improvements. 

I used to be a good runner when I was young, but the thought of putting on joggers for a run now doesn’t interest me at all.

If someone tried to inspire me by showing me a clip of Olympic runners training for their event, I know I’d be like “yep, you’ll find me watching a movie” BUT if someone pointed to a group of kids kicking a ball around a park, I’m there! You see, it’s about what speaks to YOU and taking incremental steps, finding your comfort zone and slowly expanding the boundaries.

The Learning Zone model shows how you behave in each zone. Some people would say the comfort zone and distress/danger zone are bad. I’d say they serve their purpose in specific situations, but at the end of the day, the most effective zone to be in is the learning zone.

Equally important is understanding where the boundaries lie for you, as everyone is different. Mainly because people process information differently, based on their experiences, beliefs and emotional precepts to date.

You may have noticed increasing criticism of our current education approach; IE the notion that one size teaching method suits all is flawed and individualised programmes like Montessori and Steiner are considered more effective.

You ask me, there’s too much emphasis placed on results today. I’m not saying we shouldn’t strive to achieve, but it shouldn’t be the only data point of consideration (you can see my statistical past coming out now).

In my past, I worked for an extremely ‘results driven’ organisation. This focus created a competition-based culture which negatively impacted employee morale and ethics. Really, how can you do your best when you’re always worried about being ‘thrown under the bus’ by someone trying to out-do you? I believe in recognising when someone has applied themselves honestly and authentically. When true effort is recognised it lifts the calibre of community. This was reinforced by a documentary I watched recently where a school had an appalling reputation, academically and behaviourally. Many students were from non-English speaking homes and academic achievement was not supported, among other issues. The school recognised students needed more emotional support, once given, behaviour improved, and students were able to unify and provide support to each other. An amazing turnaround, a lesson that can see them through life.

https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/video/1225435203858/insight-teaching-success-dave-garlick

This is not about superficial praise and I don’t subscribe to participation awards, where EVERYONE receives an award. That approach was born out of trying to encourage and inspire, which is a great notion but first you must see the effort applied and be genuine in the praise. I hear of teachers agonising over trying to come up with a reason to give [insert name] an award, because it’s their turn this month but young people are so cluey, they know.

If only we knew what we know now, if only we taught emotional intelligence, where we taught how to recognise inner satisfaction, how good it feels to achieve, instead of relying on external recognition.  

Think about this – is it possible there are highly talented people doing the bare minimum, while others are putting their all into something and ending up at the same result. Absolutely!

What message is received if they are both recognised the same IE based on result?

Also, is it possible for two people to approach a situation with different intent, one to assist and one to sabotage and still end up having the same outcome. Of course, watch a group of pre-schoolers playing with building blocks. 😊 Should they be dealt with in the same manner? This example is important as it shows that learning isn’t just restricted to academia or skill.

Learning started when we were all babies, we learnt by trial and error, e.g. I cry, they comfort me or in some cases, I cry, they ignore me.

The repetition of an outcome becomes your prediction (A + B = C), developing your ‘norms’ on expected behaviour (yours and others around you). This becomes a known quantity, it equates to safety. Your hindbrain loves nothing more than safety, and likes you living in your comfort zone.

But you my friend, you possess an amazing mind, one that thrives on growth, knowledge and data, and for that to occur you need new experiences – read more books, try new food, visit new places, feel different emotions. You get the picture.

I’m not saying you should jump from one thing to the next in a quest to fit as much into your life as possible. I mean you could, but you run the risk of increasing your anxiety levels and burn out. 

I spent a portion of my career in project management and change management, so I’m all too familiar with change readiness and keeping on track, yet the one activity that frequently got canned was the Post Implementation Review. There was generally no appetite, budget or resources left for this activity because everyone was generally assigned to the next big thing. For those not in the industry, this activity assesses the approach, delivery and outcomes and notes lessons learnt.

Can you see how these concepts are transposable to everyday life.

Imagine how different you would feel if after every activity, interaction or decision you made, you stopped to reflect / ask yourself – am I happy with how that went, if I had to do that again, what could I do differently. 

Could this help eliminate feelings of always on the go, being ‘so busy’, exhausted, doubtful, lacking confidence, imposter syndrome. Too much at once can easily tip anybody into the distress / danger zone. And there’s that hindbrain again, who loves to protect you, trying to convince you – you should have stayed in the comfort zone, see what happens when you step out. The good news is that this cycle can be avoided.  

Do you have reflection time in your life, when you shut out the white noise or your monkey mind (as some people refer to) and ask yourself key questions?

I’m not pushing you to become a yogi or grandmaster meditator, but let me say this again, you my friend have an amazing mind, it has stored everything you will ever need to know about yourself.

Can you imagine truly knowing yourself, being aware of your intent/ motivations, what payoffs do you expect for your actions, and then, the ultimate; learning how to self-regulate, because you have the knowledge of what you would do differently, because you regularly reflect, improve and tweak.

So, you still want to change your life, expand your boundaries and experiences?

Ask yourself 3 questions:

• Why do I want to change?
• What is not working for me right now?
• Who am I changing for?

Once you are comfortable you have landed on the answers that lie within you, all you need is to be shown the ‘how’ and that is what a Coach, like me, can do.

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